By Betty Berry, Monday, November 30, 2009 Q: I have a friend who is legally blind and I’m at a loss as to how to act around him or what sort of help to offer or what to say. Any suggestions?
A: I too have a friend who is legally blind and I asked her for help in answering your questions. This is her response:
“People’s concept of blindness has become quite an issue in my life. The most annoying comment I’m faced with is, ‘ but you don’t look blind.’
“That makes me ask: ‘What does blind look like? Is it wearing dark glasses, carrying a cane or perhaps stumbling around?’
“The answer is it could be all of, some of or none of the above.
“My friends also ask, ‘What can you see?’ It’s hard to describe — I can see a large object standing in front of me but I can’t see a stain on the front of my blouse. I also have problems with colors, so if my purple socks don’t match my pants it is because I was sure they were black when I selected them.
“Believe it or not, I can see a car speeding toward me when I cross the street but I can’t read the street sign.
“My friends ask what they can do for me. I can tell you the greatest and most devastating loss of independence is the inability to drive and this is probably the easiest way for a friend to assist. Getting around town is very difficult if you can’t drive a car.
“I’d appreciate it if friends called to tell me they were going to the mall or shopping and asked if I would like to go. It’s a downer when they call after returning home from an outing to tell me where they have been and what they did.
“Don’t ask me if I’ve read the latest bit of gossip in the local paper. Instead, save the article and read it to me. I do have some reading aids, but I can’t read without magnification.
“When taking me out in the car, don’t grab, push, pull or help me in or out of the car. True, I don’t see well, but there is nothing wrong with my legs, feet or hands.
“When I go out to eat, I have trouble reading the menu. If someone doesn’t offer to read the menu to me, I order the most exotic thing I can think of and this, of course, results in people making suggestions or telling me what is on the menu.
“When shopping, I can’t read price tags or size tags and colors also present a problem. Grocery shopping is difficult. I rely mostly on label recognition for my purchases. This sometimes leads to gastronomical discoveries.
“I cannot see my face in the mirror and that keeps me forever young. I also can’t see my friends clearly, so they never age nor do they put on weight.
“The moon never looks full to me as there is always a piece missing. But I have seen beautiful roses and I remember. “Flowers are no longer perfect to me but I do indeed remember their beauty. A hummingbird catches the corner of my eye and it is still enough to remind me what perfect little creatures they are.
“I remember the faces of those I love and am fortunate that I see enough to remind me to remember.
“Treat me as the friend I always was — and be my eyes. ”
I want to thank my friend for sharing her thoughts with me.
She has always had a positive attitude and although she has a vision problem, she has never let it stop her from reaching out and giving of herself to others. Her sense of humor is one of the best I have ever encountered.
I hope this helps you with your friend. Just go on being the friend you have always been.
— Betty Berry is a senior advocate for Senior Concerns. The advocates are at the Goebel Senior Adult Center, 1385 E. Janss Road, Thousand Oaks, CA 91362; or call 495-6250 or e-mail betty@seniorconcerns.org (please include your telephone number). You are invited to submit questions on senior issues.