Senior Advocate: Families often don't want to discuss finances, but they must
Jul
9
Written by:
7/9/2009 7:11 AM
By Betty Berry
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Q: I am concerned about whether my parents are handling their finances properly and if or when I should attempt to help. Are there any signals that could alert me to specific trouble?
A: This is a situation that many families are faced with and one that both parents and children hesitate to discuss. Many families do not discuss finances until a crisis occurs and by then many times it is too late.
Some adult children hesitate to discuss financial concerns with their parents for fear of appearing overly interested in their possible inheritance. Others don’t want to think about the day when their parents are unable to manage on their own.
Parents, on the other hand, are often reluctant to admit they need help, while others equate asking for help with loss of independence.
Timely discussions before a crisis help. They help ensure your parents are part of the decision-making process. After all, we are talking about their lives.
These discussions also reduce disagreements among siblings about how parents’ assets should be handled when and if the time comes.
There are some situations that might indicate a problem. If you become aware of second notices, fees and prior month balances on routine household bills or utility cutoffs, you might offer assistance in paying monthly bills.
If checking accounts are overdrawn or have bounced checks or excessive fees, you might suggest helping to reconcile the checking account when the statement comes in.
Credit card problems can indicate a need for help perhaps through monitoring account statements or canceling unneeded cards and charge accounts.
Severe illness or death of the first parent would certainly indicate the need for discussion and offer of assistance. Who you include in these discussions depends on your family dynamics. However, your parents’ wishes should largely determine who takes part. If your family relations are tense and siblings are not in agreement, the use of an outside professional to facilitate the meeting might be the right decision.
Hope this gets you started.
Happenings:
Today, 1:30 to 3 p.m.: Seminar “Aging In Place” at the Westlake Village Civic Center, 31200 E. Oak Crest Drive.
Friday, 1 to 3 p.m.: Seminar “Will You Pass Your Next Driving Test?” at the Goebel Senior Adult Center, 1385 E. Janss Road, Thousand Oaks. For reservations, call 381-2744.
July 17, 10 a.m. to noon: Seminar “What You Need To Know About Medicare” at the Poinsettia Pavilion, 3451 Foothill Road, Ventura. For reservations, call 800-600-4182.
— Betty Berry is a senior advocate for Senior Concerns. The advocates are at the Goebel Senior Adult Center, 1385 E. Janss Road, Thousand Oaks, CA 91362; or call 495-6250. You are invited to submit questions on senior issues.