Q: How can I enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday this year without feeling so stressed?
A: Holiday gatherings can feel stressful for many different reasons. Some of us are hosting and feel pressure to make the experience wonderful for everyone who attends. Some of us are caring for a loved one who may have difficulty at the larger gathering. Some of us are having a smaller group this year and this may bring up feelings of loss and grief. Some of us have handed control of the holiday over to someone else and that may feel uncomfortable or sad.
Whatever the reason, the holidays bring big feelings. It is like they shine a flashlight on the way our lives have changed over the years.
This year, try shifting your focus from what causes you stress to what brings you joy.
That is not always easy to do, but we can work on it and practice focusing our minds on the positive. It means practicing mindfulness to stay present and giving your attention to the things in the room you appreciate.
Last year I traveled for the holiday and did not cook anything. That felt very weird for me. While cooking may cause some stress, it is part of my tradition and something I take pride in doing for my family. I had to work on shifting my focus from what the holiday was not, to what it was.
That meant noticing when my thoughts became negative and instead diverting my attention to the good that was around me. The food was different, but delicious. I did not even have to wash the dishes! I enjoyed wonderful weather and had more time in the day to relax.
There was a recent story on NPR that talked about research that demonstrated that people who commit “micro-acts” of joy experience about a 25% increase in emotional well-being over the course of the week. These acts of joy can be things you do for yourself like journaling or taking a walk, or they can include providing small acts of kindness to others. Acts of kindness may include calling a friend who is going through a hard time, holding the door for someone, or paying someone a compliment.
Any time we find ourselves feeling down or stressed a great coping mechanism is to focus on helping others. Rather than worrying about our feelings we turn our attention to making someone else feel good. This, in turn, brings us joy and satisfaction and can shift our mood.
This is a great technique for the holiday time. Instead of focusing on what is causing you stress, turn your attention to helping those in the room. Compliment a dish someone cooked for the event, thank the host and let them know how much you appreciate their kindness, tell someone how much you like their outfit or the décor in the room.
As you sit to enjoy your Thanksgiving meal, look around the room and take it all in. Find three things you appreciate and say them out loud. They may be small, but by sharing them with others and recognizing them for yourself it will increase your feelings of joy. And in the meantime, you may find it brings someone else joy and shifts the mood in the room.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
