Over 40 million Americans provide unpaid care to an aging loved one or an adult with disabilities. November was first declared National Family Caregivers month in 1997 and has been proclaimed every year since by the President in office. It is a time to celebrate, recognize and thank those who provide care for their loved one.
Caregivers come in many forms, but they all have in common that they give of themselves, their time and affection, to help a loved one. It may be a 24/7 job caring for someone who needs full assistance and supervision, or it may be just scheduling and taking a parent to doctor appointments and making sure they have their medications and groceries.
Whether you are caring full time or part time, you are a caregiver. You deserve our community’s support and recognition every day, and especially this November.
This past year, my mother was thrust into a full-time caregiving role for my father. She recently asked me how she was doing. She wanted my professional opinion on how she was handling her role as caregiver. She wanted to know not just how she was doing at providing care, but if she was also doing a good enough job taking care of herself.
I realized that she has felt pressure from friends to make sure she takes time for herself and continues her own social life and hobbies. She needed validation that she was not only caring for my dad well, but that she was succeeding at her own self-care.
I love that her friends are supporting her and encouraging her to take time for herself. It has helped her make sure to carve out that time and continue her weekly social outings. Now she turned to me and asked for confirmation that she was doing everything right.
The truth is that I also look for validation in areas of my life. After we end our time in school, we no longer get the satisfaction of a grade to rate our success. I have often joked at staff meetings that I want an “A” grade on what I am working on. The fact is I just want to know clearly that I am doing it right. In the work world we have fewer concrete markers than in school, but there are some. A thanks from your boss, an award, a promotion.
In the caregiving world there are even less concrete markers available to let the caregiver know they are doing a good job. In fact, most of the time no matter how well they are providing care their loved one will continue to decline. It is just the nature of the work.
I made sure to provide my mother with praise and be very clear in how wonderful I think she is doing. But it reminded me that I need to give her this validation more often.
This National Family Caregiver Month I encourage you to look for people you know who are in the caregiver role and tell them what a great job they are doing. Tell them they deserve an A plus for taking on this role and doing what is needed to care for their loved one.
A few words can make a world of difference to someone. This National Family Caregiver Month lets remember to be the champion and the cheerleader for the caregivers in our community.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
