Q: I am unsure how to meet new people now that I am retired. Do you have any tips on how to make new friends as an older adult?
A: Meeting new people and putting yourself out there to create relationships is easier for some than for others. When we have work and other activities built into our day, we tend to meet people through these shared experiences. Without that, it can feel overwhelming to try and find people to socialize with.
I recently talked with a 95-year-old gentleman who shared with me that he always finds ways to engage with new people. He even shared that the baristas at the coffee shop he frequents have become like friends to him. From an outside perspective, he pointed out that people may think there is not much in common with twenty-year-old baristas and a 95-year-old retired Marine. However, he said they love to chat with him and about camping, rattlesnakes, and other topics they can share when they are not busy. This relationship brings joy and camaraderie to everyone involved.
As we get older, we might not be as used to meeting new people. It is easy to feel intimidated or to assume there will not be much in common. But the truth is that many people feel the same way and are just waiting for someone else to initiate.
The best starting point is simply to decide for yourself that you want to make new friends. Motivate yourself and use positive self-talk to remind yourself that you are worthy of friendships, and that you deserve to create relationships to improve your quality of life.
Now that you are motivated and ready, you can consider ways to meet new people. Pursue interests of your own to meet people. Join a class, book club, or exercise group to find people with shared interests.
Look at your local senior center or active adult center for activities and programs you will enjoy. Consider volunteer work or part-time work as a way to meet a new group of people while also giving back to your community.
Consider if there are people from your past that you want to reconnect with. Sometimes friendships fizzle because of busy schedules or disagreements that may not mean as much anymore. Reaching out and seeing if those friendships can be rebuilt may be worth the effort.
Be open to new people you may not think would be the right connection for you. Let yourself be friendly and make small talk. It may feel out of your comfort zone but think about the fact that you have nothing to lose, and, instead, the opportunity to gain a nice friendship. Be curious about others, show genuine interest, and see who reciprocates that.
Building relationships can take time, so be patient and kind to yourself. Do not get discouraged if the first try does not result in a new friendship you value. Consider trying to be part of the process and valuable as you learn what works for you.
Creating friendships and building relationships takes effort, but the value is priceless. They strengthen our resilience, reduce isolation, and increase our quality of life. Take that step to put yourself out there and find meaningful relationships at every age.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
