Q: I am 80 years old and still live independently. My kids are telling me I need to think of a plan, but I am not ready. Why should I make any changes until I need to?
A: Planning for the future is important at every age. It is a part of life to think ahead and plan how you want to live in the coming years. We do this when we prepare for our future career, or marriage, or retirement. By picturing how you want your future to look it helps you plan financially and emotionally for what is coming next.
Statistics show that as we age, the likelihood that we need assistance increases. This could simply mean we need help with grocery shopping and driving, or it may mean we require physical assistance with bathing or dressing.
Approximately one in four people age 85 or older will need help with at least one activity of daily living (ADL) like bathing, eating, dressing or toileting. Therefore, thinking about what you would want if you needed this type of care makes sense.
Consider if you needed more help, would you prefer to have that brought into your home, or would you want to live in an assisted living facility where the help can be built into the environment? If you were not able to drive or prepare meals, would you find being alone at home isolating or calming? If you moved to a place with a dining room and activities, would you want to take advantage of these group programs and be social?
When your kids are asking you to make a plan, it does not necessarily mean they think you need to make any changes right now. This is your opportunity to share your wishes for the future. Many people wait too long and then they cannot be part of the decision-making process.
There are some signs that a person may need help at home. The home becomes unmaintained, they may not remember to take their medications correctly, they find it difficult to do their regular daily tasks, they have poor hygiene or have a decline in physical health.
Try having a conversation with your kids about these signs and ask them if they have noticed any other signs that they are concerned about. Having an open and honest conversation may be difficult and emotional, but in the end, it will help you all feel more comfortable with what to do next.
If you do not want to feel rushed to make changes unless you really need to for your safety or health, then be clear about that with your family, and talk about what that will look like if that happens.
One thing I often suggest is to put some small help in place now to relieve you from some tasks. For example, hiring a cleaning person or home repair person, or accepting more help from your children so that you can stay living the way you are for longer.
It is not a guarantee that you will need to change your daily life in the future, but by talking through what you want in case that time comes, hopefully you can feel more empowered about your future.
Talking about a plan will not force things to happen, but it will give you some control over how you want your future to look if you do need more assistance. It can reduce the stress your kids are feeling and give you peace of mind that you can preserve the quality of life that you want for as long as you can.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
