Q: My mom’s doctor recommended that she use a walker, but she refuses. How can I convince her she needs to use the walker?
A: Many people are in the same situation as you. They can see their loved one would be safer with a walker, but that person just absolutely refuses. Often this leads to arguments and added stress. From the outside, we feel like we can see what is best, and it can be difficult to understand why our loved one does not want to cooperate with us.
The first important piece of this situation is to try and see it from your mother’s perspective. This means asking her why she does not want to use the walker. She may feel she does not need it, or that it makes her feel and look older. Allow her the chance to express her feelings in an open and non-judgmental way. Validate her feelings and align with her. She wants to feel heard and know that her feelings matter.
Remind yourself during this conversation that she is currently safe and you do not have to solve this right this second. Let yourself relax and do not rush the discussion.
Calmly explain to her the reasons a walker will benefit her. Remind her the doctor recommended it and share that this is a tool to help keep her independent and safe. The concern about a fall is real, with more than one in four older adults falling every year. The repercussions of a fall and injury could result in a hospital stay and could limit her mobility and independence in the future.
If you feel she will respond to facts and statistics, then tell her that every 11 seconds a senior is treated in the hospital ER after a fall and every 19 minutes an elderly person dies from fall-related injuries. These staggering statistics speak for themselves. Perhaps you have a personal story of someone you know that fell as a cautionary tale.
Ask her what you can do to make using the walker a better option for her. Does she want a different model walker? Perhaps you can ask for a compromise. If the issue is her embarrassment, then ask her to start using it at home only. Clear a path from those places she is sitting and then stands up to go to another part of the house. For example, the bed to the bathroom, living room chair to the kitchen, etc. If a path is clear and the walker is available, it might help encourage her to use it. She may start to grow her confidence with the walker and be willing to use it outside in the future.
If she is concerned about the cost of the walker, find a durable medical equipment loan program to try one at no cost. The Camarillo United Methodist Church runs a medical supply closet. You can reach them at 805-491-1028.
If your loved one has any cognitive impairment, these types of discussions and reasoning most often will only confuse the topic and add to everyone’s stress. In these cases, it is best not to have an involved discussion. Just place the walker next to your loved one and remind them in a short sentence when they get up to walk by saying “here is your walker” and acting like it is a given that they use it.
Ultimately, you cannot control your mother’s actions. Focus on what you can control. You can share your thoughts with her and do your best to be sure she is making an informed choice in the matter. You can look at her home and ensure there is a reduced fall risk by removing any clutter and throw rugs and installing grab bars in the bathroom.
In the end, you will not be able to completely keep your mom safe. All you can do is reduce the risks when you can and focus on reducing your own stress. Your mother is her own person. You will do your part to be the best care partner to her that you can be and know that is coming from a place of love and caring.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
