Q: My father was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, but he still lives alone and insists he does not need any help. I care about him and am worried. How do I know when I need to get more involved?
A: I am sorry to hear your father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. It can be very scary to hear the diagnosis and usually causes a lot of fear about what is to come as the disease progresses. One thing to remember is that a diagnosis alone does not mean his capacity and decision-making abilities are automatically gone.
However, knowing when you need to step in and monitoring his symptoms are going to be a very important part of what is to come. You will no doubt have difficult decisions and conversations ahead of you as you maneuver balancing his safety, his quality of life and his autonomy.
Start by talking to his doctor and ask questions to understand what stage he is in, and what markers are present to indicate memory loss. For example, was there a mental status exam done and, if so, what was the score. Was a PET scan done and what did it show?
Ask the doctor for an opinion on allowing your father to drive, manage bills and live alone. The doctor will have valuable input, but also remember he does not see the day-to-day actions of your father. You will need to monitor and check to see if he is managing his responsibilities accurately.
Even if your father is managing well now, Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive brain disease. If not now, a time will come in the future when you need to step in to ensure his finances are safely managed. He will need someone to shop with him, to help with meals and household chores. And as it progresses further, he will need help with his activities of daily living and require supervision to ensure he is safe.
You will want to talk with your father and understand his financial situation, ask about his medical care wishes, and ensure he has the necessary paperwork in order. Consult with an elder law attorney as soon as possible, while your father has the ability to be part of the process.
I stress finances because judgement is frequently impaired with a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease and all too often, I hear of people mismanaging money or being scammed out of a lot of money. Many times, families first learn of the disease when they realize the mortgage has gone into default or debts have accrued.
For now, you are in the information gathering, monitoring, and planning stage. It is very easy to get overwhelmed by all the possibilities of what might happen next. Take it one step at a time and consult with an expert in the field. You can contact a local Family Caregiver Resource Center. To find the one near you call the Ventura County Area Agency on Aging at 805-477-7300. Or contact the Alzheimer’s Association on their 24-hour helpline at 800-272-3900.
Visit regularly and look for signs that he may be struggling. Take note of his hygiene, what food is the fridge, check for dents on the car, monitor his finances and check on his mood. If he has friends who he regularly socializes with, be in touch with them as well. Make sure they have your number and know to alert you to any signs of concern that they notice.
Your father is fortunate to have you looking out for him, even if he resists or argues with you. There is much more to write than can fit into one column, so be sure to reach out for guidance and support as you go through this caregiving journey. In the end you will make the best decisions you can as things change. Arm yourself with knowledge, support, and the understanding that everything you do going forward is out of love for your father.
