Caregivers who learn better ways to communicate can improve the experience of caring for a loved one and gain confidence and satisfaction, according to Lori Bliss, a certified senior adviser at Senior Concerns. “Caregiving can be very stressful because … life is interrupted and plans are postponed. These can be sad and illicit strong emotions,” said Bliss, adding that emotions such as anger and fear may cause confusion or communication barriers. “Good communication skills help caregivers adapt to change by enabling them to obtain and share information, ask for what they need and stay connected to their loved one,” she said. On Tuesday, Senior Concerns will present a Compassionate Communication workshop from 4:30-6 p.m. in Thousand Oaks. The event will be led by Shoshana Wheeler, a teacher, counselor and parent educator who specializes in teaching compassionate communication; and Kelila Heller, a senior advocate who has experienced compassionate communication in her relationship with her parent. Wheeler, who has a master’s degree in counseling and guidance, teaches compassionate communication based on the book “Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg. “Compassionate communication is a process that teaches people how to hear difficult messages such as, ‘You can’t take my driver’s license away,’ without attacking or defending, ‘I have to — I can’t trust you to drive safely anymore,’ ” Wheeler said. “Neither of these promotes connection, but they do escalate conflict and create distance and withdrawal.” Compassionate communication would involve expressing to the parent that his or her feelings and needs are understood, she said. “It might sound like: ‘Mom, I can only imagine how frustrating and angry you must be feeling about this. It must seem so unfair and such a huge loss to your freedom,’ ” Wheeler said. “These statements are connecting with the other’s internal experience. The energy of these statements is palpably different from the first, and the response is typically different, as well.” Through this form of communication, the other person has the experience of feeling deeply understood, Wheeler said. “They are then in a better position to hear our perspective. It doesn’t mean that they will like it or agree with it. It is just more likely to be heard.” People in their later years encounter loss upon loss, including physical functions, power and people, Wheeler said. “It is hard to imagine how much they give up as they grow into old age,” she said. “These people need a ton of empathy to help them through these many losses.” Better communication can translate into better relationships among family members, Bliss said. “Caregiving can bring people closer and thus enrich their lives with the intimacy it entails,” Bliss said. Caregivers need empathy, as well, Wheeler said. “It is extremely difficult to be in the role of constantly attending and giving to another, especially to one who may not be a very happy receiver,” Wheeler said. “In this case we teach the caregivers how to give themselves empathy, how to connect to their own feelings and needs, and perhaps find simple ways to meet some of those needs.” If you go What: Compassionate Communication workshop When: 4:30-6 p.m. Tuesday Where: Senior Concerns, 401 Hodencamp Road, Thousand Oaks Cost: Free Reservations: 497-0189; walk-in registration welcome More …
