When an adult child is trying to help their parents, the first step is often gathering information. In many cases, they do not already have the details necessary to fully understand how to provide support.
Ideally, as people age, they share important information with close family members, including details about insurance coverage and financial resources. However, I frequently receive calls from individuals seeking guidance without having this essential information needed to determine appropriate next steps.
For example, a daughter may say, “I am not sure what insurance my mom has. It is either Medicare or Medi-Cal.” Others may say, “Her only income is Social Security,” but they do not know the monthly amount.
The truth is that this information matters.
Medicare is a federal health insurance program primarily for individuals aged 65 or older. Medi-Cal is a needs-based insurance program for individuals who qualify due to limited income and resources. Medi-Cal often covers services that Medicare does not, such as long-term nursing home care and certain personal care services. A person may have both, or just one. Understanding which coverage a parent has is essential in determining what benefits and programs they may be eligible for.
Similarly, Social Security income is based on an individual’s work history and can range from approximately $1,000 to $5,000 per month. Simply stating that someone receives Social Security does not provide enough information to assess their financial situation or determine eligibility for services.
Conversations about finances can feel intrusive, and it is understandable that families may want to avoid them. However, without these discussions, it becomes much more difficult to understand what a loved one can afford or qualify for, particularly in regard to home care or long-term care services.
If a parent becomes unable to share information due to cognitive or physical decline, the responsibility of gathering these details often falls to a family member. This may involve sorting through paperwork, reviewing files, or examining bank statements. Without a Power of Attorney in place, accessing necessary information can be significantly more challenging if it is not readily available.
Find a way to have the uncomfortable conversations early and avoid waiting until it may be too late. Explain why the information is needed and what may happen if you do not have access to it.
If helpful, schedule a time to talk and review where the important documents are kept, including passwords and a list of bank accounts. Planning ahead may allow the person time to gather their thoughts and not feel overwhelmed.
Proactive communication and preparation can ease future stress and ensure that families are better equipped to make informed decisions when the need arises.
If and when the need does arise, it is not enough to say you do not have the answers. No one can help if the information is not available. While the conversations may feel tense now, having to come in and help if a person is incapacitated without the facts will create a stressful and potentially unsafe situation later.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
