Q: My husband resists being active and following the physical therapy recommendations. How can I convince him to do his exercises?
A: It can be very frustrating to see your loved one not engaging in physical activities when you know it will help them. This is very common and something I frequently hear about in our caregiver support groups.
There are some tips to help encourage him to be active and follow physical therapy recommendations. Try to start by understanding why he may be resisting. Perhaps he never liked physical activity. Or if this is new, then maybe there is a fear of pain or of hurting himself. If he is cognitively able to have this conversation with you, then listen and give him the space to share what is holding him back.
See if there are ways to lead by example and do the exercises with him. Sometimes, if we say “Let’s do this together, we both need to be healthy,” it can help alleviate the stigma of something only he has to do.
Try making it more fun by playing upbeat music and dancing along to the exercises. If it will help, consider offering a treat when you are done. You do not need to say that it is a reward. Still, you can make a good association with exercise by ending it with a dance, a popsicle, or doing something he enjoys.
If he is more willing to do his exercises with someone else, then bring them in to help. Perhaps an adult child, a grandchild, or a friend may have a better chance of getting him to join. This may prompt him to put on his social good graces, as he does not want to appear rude.
If the physical therapy has ended and he is not following up on the exercises they recommended, ask his doctor if more physical therapy can be prescribed. Maybe he will participate if a professional is there with him again.
Each person is different in what will motivate them. If appropriate, have a heart-to-heart conversation and share why his engagement matters to you. Speak from your heart and about how it makes you feel, without laying blame on him.
Ultimately, you may not be able to make him change his ways. You can create a supportive space to discuss it and encourage healthy practices. Small steps can sometimes lead to larger changes. Start with small asks and see if you can build up his tolerance for exercise.
If there are parts he is more willing to do, then focus on those. You can always revisit the routine with a professional physical therapist to look for alternatives to moves or exercises that he particularly resists.
Make sure you have an outlet to share and vent your frustrations as well. A caregiver support group is a great place to do that. Or go for a walk with a friend. Expressing your frustrations in a healthy way will enable you to have more patience when talking to your husband.
Remind yourself that you cannot control everything. You can be encouraging and helpful while also being open and honest. The rest may be out of your hands, but you will know you are trying in the most genuine and caring way possible.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
