Q: I am in the process of hiring a caregiver for my husband, who has dementia. How can I be sure they do the things that I want while they are working here?
A: Setting expectations and creating task lists when hiring a caregiver is important and helpful. I often hear people frustrated that the caregiver is not doing more, without having provided clear instructions. Instead of making assumptions about what a caregiver will do, create a clear list of tasks and have regular check-in meetings with the caregiver to review.
For example, when a caregiver sits and watches TV with their client, they are providing supervision and ensuring he is safe and has what he needs. The caregiver is there to respond if he gets agitated or needs something. It may look like nothing, but that caregiver is providing a service.
However, you can decide what you want them to do with their time working for you. Start this discussion in the interview process so that you and the caregiver can ensure this is the best fit.
Think of the caregiver as your partner in care and engage them as such. Explain what you expect of them and check in to see if they feel this is realistic and comfortable, and if they can agree to follow your expectations. They have valuable experience and can offer you good suggestions and tips as well.
If they are hired through an agency, you can discuss this with the agency liaison. If you hire them privately, then sit down with them directly.
Create a checklist of tasks, like preparing meals, light housekeeping tasks, changing the sheets, or taking your husband on errands. Your tasks may also include bathing him, assisting him with shaving, or other personal care. It may also include taking the trash to the curb, and if so, list the day this will be done.
Ask the caregiver to refer to the checklist every day. Some agencies have online portals where they can load your checklist and have the caregiver mark off what they do daily in the portal.
You may want them to involve your husband in other activities. Think about what your husband might enjoy and create a list of possible activities. You can offer them as suggestions or even create a clear schedule.
For example, ask that at 10 a.m. each day, they have him follow along to 15 minutes of chair exercise. There are many options available online to watch and follow together. Then they watch a TV show he enjoys, followed by listening to music and reviewing photo albums. Then, the caregiver can prepare and serve lunch, followed by a walk in the park.
Consider activities such as art, reading, gardening, and even sorting junk mail and old papers.
Understand that your schedule or list of activities may change over time. Ask the caregiver to provide you with feedback and suggestions as they get to know your husband and his needs and preferences. Set up regular check-ins with the caregiver so they can review things with you and feel included in the process. This will also ensure that if they feel the need to change the schedule, they explain it to you, and you can understand why and be part of the decision.
You need to feel comfortable with the caregiver you chose for your husband. If you feel the caregiver is not doing what is expected and not communicating with you as you would like, look for someone else. Know that you are in charge and you deserve to be confident in your husband’s care.
Setting clear expectations and task lists is not only helpful for you but can also make the caregiver feel more confident that they know exactly what is expected of them. Establish a routine and work together with the caregiver. Ideally this person will partner with you to ensure that both you and your husband have the care and confidence you need.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
