Q: I have been feeling lonely lately even though I try and stay busy. What can I do to help stop feeling so lonely in my day?
A: First, I will tell you that you are not alone in feeling alone. Studies show that 43 percent of older adults report feeling lonely on a regular basis. The fact that you are self-identifying your feelings and reaching out for help is a huge step in making positive changes to your quality of life and decreasing your lonely feelings.
Loneliness refers to the feeling of being alone. During the pandemic, the issue of loneliness and social isolation really was brought to the forefront. With social distancing and stay-at-home orders, almost everyone was experiencing some level of loneliness.
Social isolation refers to a lack of social connections, whereas loneliness is a more subjective feeling. Someone can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. Others can be alone most of the time, but be perfectly content and engaged in their lives without feeling lonely.
What is important is that you understand your own feelings, and make sure you are living your life in a way that supports your own joy and contentment.
The statistics behind loneliness and the negative impacts it has on not just your mental health, but also your physical health, is staggering. Studies show the effect of loneliness on your body is equivalent to the dangers of smoking 15 cigarettes per day. That alone should make everyone pay attention to their feelings of loneliness and take action.
To reduce your feelings of loneliness you will need to create connections with other people. Feeling understood by another person and supported by them will reduce feelings of loneliness. The part that may be difficult is knowing how to create those connections to others.
Start with growing your own confidence. Give yourself a pep talk and remind yourself that you are worthy of true relationships. You will need to be vulnerable and genuine in order to put yourself out there and build friendships.
An easy place to start is by looking for ways to help others. This will get you outside of yourself. If you think about the statistic that 43 percent of older adults feel lonely, then by reaching out to someone and asking them to get together, you may t be helping to reduce their feelings of loneliness along with your own feelings. We all need to support each other.
In the past you may have made connections to people through similar interests. Perhaps through your children’s activities, or your work life, or even through classes or activities. Today, you may not have as many of those built into your day-to-day life.
Look for ways you can get involved in things you enjoy or care about. It will provide a structured way to meet people with similar interests. Find a book club, a religious group, an exercise class, or a support group. There are even classes geared for older adults like the Cal Lutheran Fifty and Better classes.
Imagine how you wish your life was and let that become your goal. You are worth the work it takes to find connections, purpose and fulfillment and reduce your feelings of loneliness.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
