As we approach the winter holidays, I am reminded of how deeply grief can impact us this time of year. I plan my holiday gatherings with memories from the past.
I will use the silverware passed down to me from my grandparents. I will light the candles on the candlesticks I just inherited from my great Aunt. The table will be dressed in a stitched tablecloth handmade by my grandmother.
I enjoy incorporating these treasures from my family that carry with them memories of past family gatherings. I will cook the butternut squash the way my father-in-law taught me and bake the pie my grandmother showed me how to bake when I was a child.
These traditions provide me comfort. I find the act of reminiscing about my family members who have passed on brings me a feeling of fulfillment. I enjoy keeping their memories alive by sharing these items and their meaning with my children.
It’s usually the time in between the festivities that cause me to reflect and feel sadness around all that has been lost. For many, this time of year is filled with mixed emotions.
For some, it may be the first time experiencing the holidays without a loved one who has passed away. For others, it has been many years, and yet the feelings can rush back to the surface so easily when prompted.
Senior concerns is hosting a virtual seminar on the topic called Grief During the Holidays. Lori Oberman, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, will present this seminar over Zoom on Thursday November 5th from 3:00pm – 4:00pm. To register visit https://www.seniorconcerns.org/programs/seminars/ or call 805-497-0189.
Lori will talk about how to understand your own grief, and what the holidays may look like now. She will discuss different coping strategies to navigate the new normal.
Traditions can be a wonderful source of comfort, but when someone who played an important role in those traditions passes away, continuing them can sometimes be difficult. Should you keep a tradition exactly as it was, or make changes in order to ease the sense of loss that person has left behind?
The answer is personal. It is important to recognize what brings you comfort and what may intensify your sadness. You have permission to decide which traditions to preserve, which to adapt, and which to let go of.
One thing is certain, there is no single right way to navigate the holidays while grieving. Take time to consider what feels right for you, and talk openly with your loved ones about your wishes. Remember that your needs may change as the season unfolds, and it is okay to adjust your plans along the way.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to take breaks, make space for sadness, and accept the kindness and support of others. You do not have to navigate grief alone, and you do not have to make the holidays look the way they always have.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
