When working with people who have memory loss, creating a routine with structure to the day is very beneficial. It helps people know what to expect and reduces anxiety. Repetitive behaviors are also easier to maintain even as memory loss increases.
But routines and structure are valuable for most of us. Regular activities can add purpose to the day and lend to more feelings of contentment in one’s life.
When life events happen, leaning into structure can be a protective factor. When someone retires from their job, they may feel untethered with the lack of routine. Many of us think that we long to stop working so that our schedule can be our own. That we will enjoy the freedom to do anything we want during the day. But the reality often feels unnerving. Too much unstructured time can leave us feeling bored or restless. It can also create a feeling of uncertainty and depressed mood.
Many benefit from creating a new structure and routine in their retirement. This may include regular social meetups, volunteer work, a routine of exercise or chores, and maintaining habits that have served you well. For example, if you always make the bed in the morning then keep up that routine, maintain an eating schedule and even keep up your consistent laundry day schedule if you had one.
When a spouse passes away the change in schedule can also add to the feelings of grief and loss. Especially when you had been caring for that spouse for a long time. Suddenly, your daily purpose, caring for your loved one, is no longer there. You may have mixed feelings over the newfound free time. You might enjoy it one minute, then feel guilty another minute, or feel sad and empty another minute.
Building yourself a new routine can help you to feel grounded in your new reality. Try maintaining a consistent bedtime. Think about areas of your life you can build up. Creative activities, physical activities, socializing or volunteering are some areas to explore.
Nothing needs to happen right away, but slowly adding in a few small routines may make a difference in your mood.
There are times of uncertainty in life. It may be waiting for medical test results or concerns for a friend or family member. In situations where you cannot control the outcome, maintaining your routine like your morning walk, your coffee break or keeping your Tuesday lunch with friends, can provide some predictability to keep you feeling anchored.
Years ago, I remember seeing a video of a Navy Seal giving speech where he shares how important the act of making your bed every day is. He shares that this simple act showed him that the little things matter. He stated “if you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task”. This mundane task started a routine for the day, a sense of normalcy and accomplishment.
When other things may seem uncertain, a simple task to start your day and a routine to keep you grounded can make a difference in your mood.
Flexibility is important, but there also needs to be a balance between what you can count on, what to expect, and the freedom to be spontaneous when you want to be.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
