A friend of mine recently took on the role of caring for her father. She had plans to attend a conference for her work when her father took a fall and ended up in the hospital with complications. She canceled her trip, put her life on hold, and stayed by his side as many hours of the day she could.
This event thrust her into the role of caregiver. She found herself pulled between her own children’s needs, her household, her full-time job, and now her father’s care. She became tied to her phone, and every ring brought fear that another crisis was occurring.
I know all too well the experience of being a sandwich caregiver. When you are pulled between caring for your kids and your parents. Add in a career, a spouse, and now two households to manage and it can be very overwhelming.
All I can do is offer my best advice. Keep everything on one calendar so you don’t miss any appointments. Ask for help and do not feel bad about it. This is the time to call in favors for carpool rides and order in dinner. Hire help for your father if you can.
I can help her navigate the resources and understand the terms. I can share with her the Family Caregiver Resource Centers that are here to provide support and education (contact the Ventura County Area Agency on Aging to find yours at https://vcaaa.venturacounty.gov/our-services/caregiver-services/)
But I cannot take away her stress or fix every problem. I remind myself of what I tell my social work staff. Sometimes the best thing we can offer is to listen, validate, and let the person have a non-judgmental place to vent.
Anyone who has been in a caregiving situation can relate. The illnesses and specifics may be different, but the feelings and stressors that come with it are very similar.
November is National Family Caregivers Month. It is a time when we pause to recognize and honor the over 63 million family caregivers across the US. Of those, about 7 million are here in California, and an estimated 207,700 are in Ventura County. The theme this year is: Care Connects Us.
It’s a powerful theme to highlight that no matter what the details, we are all connected in this journey through our love, our support and our meaningful role.
In my career as a social worker, I have worked with hundreds, if not thousands, of family caregivers. Each day they do their best every day to navigate changing needs, to problem solve challenges, and to provide their loved one with the best possible quality of life.
They all share the dedication and need to be there for their loved one. They also all share the frustrations that come up when healthcare and safety needs do not have easy answers.
This month, take a moment to recognize the caregivers in your life, whether they are currently in this role or have supported a loved one in the past. Think of those who keep their phones close, always ready to respond, those who provide hands-on physical care, and those who manage appointments, run errands, or offer support in countless other ways.
Take time to thank them and show them that their effort does not go unnoticed. Even when a loved one may not be able to express their gratitude, you can offer the acknowledgment, encouragement, and appreciation these caregivers deserve.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
