My daughter came to visit for Christmas and now she wants me to move to an assisted living. I don’t think I am ready for that and I prefer to stay in my own home. How do I explain that to her so she will understand?
I often hear families struggling with this issue. The parents want to age in place, meaning they want to stay in their own home. At the same time, the children want them to move to a facility where there are amenities and care built in if you should need them. I think the key to having this discussion with your family is to understand the reasons behind everyone’s individual point of view.
Often, when we talk about the idea of moving or even accepting care, the emotions rise to the surface and it becomes difficult to have a reasonable discussion. It may feel like your children do not trust you anymore or think you can’t care for yourself in the way you always used to. However, most of the time the suggestion to move comes from a place of caring. The family member has good intentions in hopes to make things easier for you and also ease their own worries.
I suggest you have an honest talk with your daughter. Share the reasons you do not want to move and ask her to share her reasons for you to move. Then you can together think through how to come to an agreement. You may even want to visit some places with an open mind. It may surprise you how you react when you picture yourself somewhere new.
Your daughter may have valid reasons why she thinks you would thrive in an assisted living. Even if you do not agree and chose to stay at home, you may find her suggestions useful. For example, if she is worried you are too isolated at home now that you do not drive, then perhaps trying a public transportation option like Dial-A-Ride to go to the local senior center and participate in an activity will ease that worry and give you something fun and social to do.
If your daughter’s concern is that you have no one to check on you and make sure you are safe, then consider getting a Personal Emergency Response system. This can be a necklace or bracelet that you wear with a button that you can press if you need help. There are even ones with new technology that can sense a fall if you cannot push the button yourself.
Perhaps your daughter is worried you are no longer cooking and getting proper nutritious meals. You may want to consider your local Home Delivered Meals program.
There are many technologies and resources that can make aging in your own home safe and enjoyable. The key is to first identify the area of concern and then locate the appropriate solution. Having these family discussions may feel uncomfortable at first, but if you approach them with an open mind and maintain honest communication, you may be surprised the useful ideas that can come from them. I hope you and your daughter can share your feelings and worries together and work towards a goal of living in a safe, comfortable and happy way.
HAPPENINGS:
Parkinson’s Disease Overview with Q&A
Wednesday, January 8, 2020 from 12:30PM -2:30PM
Ventura City Hall: 501 Poli Street, Ventura, CA in the Community Meeting Room #202.
The Ventura Parkinson’s Disease Support Group welcomes the public along with those who find themselves navigating the challenges of Parkinson’s Disease and other neurological conditions. Wayne Pickerell of SC3 Research Group – Neurosearch, will provide an educational overview of Parkinson’s Disease and answer questions. For more information and important detailed directions to our meetings, please call Patty at 805-766-6070.
Tai Chi: Moving for better Balance
Tuesday and Friday afternoons beginning January 7th
Center for Spiritual Living: 221 E Daily Drive Suite 1
Tai Chi: Moving for Better Balance is a 12-week program offered by Oxnard RSVP focusing on improved mobility and balance among older adults. Classes are free, designed for those age 50 and older, and taught by certified volunteers. For more information, to learn about other locations and to register call 805-385-8019.
