Q: How come I can never remember people’s names when I am introduced to them?
A: There are a lot of reasons why many of us do not retain the names of people when we are first introduced. Most of the reasons have more to do with attention and less to do with our own memory skills.
As we age, however, the fear and worry around memory loss can sometimes become so strong that it gets in the way of our daily joy. It is important to know the difference between normal age-related memory changes and a true memory issue. If you are concerned that a more serious memory issue may be occurring, then see your doctor for an evaluation.
When it comes to remembering names, most people have trouble, regardless of age. The reason is often simple; they were not fully paying attention when the name was said. Instead, their minds were noticing other details such as facial expressions or subconsciously assessing a person’s trustworthiness or friendliness.
How often do we say things like, “Remember that woman with the great scarf who was so friendly at last night’s party?” Or we see someone again and we know they are familiar to us, but we cannot place from where or remember their name?
I had this experience just last week. I ran into a friend who introduced me to the woman she was with. We both immediately realized we had met before but could not remember where. She started telling me her work history and places she is involved with, and finally she mentioned a place where I used to work. Aha! We had figured it out.
The next time you are introduced to someone, focus intentionally on the name. Repeat it back by saying, “It is nice to meet you, Alice.” Say the name while looking at their face and focus on connecting the face to the name.
I also had a family member who was dating someone new, and I kept forgetting her name. Eventually, someone shared a helpful memory trick. Her name was Shirley, and they said, “Surely you know Shirley.” After that, I never forgot her name again.
Remembering names is a sign of respect and relationship building. It is an easy way to show people you are paying attention to them and care about meeting them.
If forgetting names or small memory lapses is concerning to you, consider learning some tips and taking the time to practice new strategies to help your memory.
Senior Concerns is offering a four-week class over Zoom geared for people who have early memory loss or concerns about memory loss. It is called, Memory Matters: An Education and Support Group for People Experiencing Changes in Memory and Cognition. The class will combine aspects of a support group with practical education and tips on ways to preserve memory and cope with any changes.
The class has a fee of $40 for the full series and will run four Tuesdays in a row from February 3rd through February 24th from 10:30am – 12:00pm. To learn more call 805-497-0189.
Just remember that if you did not pay attention, you have not missed your chance to learn their name. Be honest and simply share that you were distracted by their beautiful scarf, for example, and ask them to repeat their name. They will appreciate the sincerity and effort.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
