Q: I use a cane instead of my walker to avoid being thought of as frail. Why do I let my pride get in the way?
A: It is natural to want people to see us as capable or strong. We wear certain clothes, put on makeup, and find ways to appear confident even when we are not.
No one wants to feel judged for using a walker. Chances are you may have wondered about someone you know who started using a walker, or heard other people make comments that feel like pity or sadness. But the truth is that a walker is simply a device to help support someone physically, improve balance and prevent a fall. It has nothing to do with that person’s worth or overall health.
A walker may be a larger tool but that is still all it is. Just like glasses are a tool for someone with low vision and hearing aids are a tool for someone with low hearing. A walker is a tool for someone who requires a little extra balance and support when walking.
Most of the time we worry about what others think of us much more than others actually are.
It reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from a TV show called Schitt’s Creek. The anxious brother is worrying about taking his driver’s test. His sister Alexis says: “David, nobody cares.” David, feeling like she is not listening to him, exclaims: “People care! I care! The driving examiner person cares!” Alexis then puts things into perspective: “No, he doesn’t. Trust me—people aren’t thinking about you the way that you’re thinking about you.”
I think there is a valuable lesson in that exchange. We often imagine that other people are scrutinizing us when, in reality, they are usually focused on their own lives and concerns.
Ultimately, the purpose of using a walker is to allow you to keep walking independently and prevent falling. It means you can move about without the assistance of another person, while maintaining balance and safety. A fall could lead to a broken bone, a hospitalization, reduced functioning, and possibly even the use of a wheelchair.
Perhaps reframing the walker as an aid to maintaining your freedom can be useful in overcoming your insecurities.
If you’re concerned about what people will think or say about you, consider coming up with some one liners to use if you notice a look or a comment.
You could say “I’m just test driving my new car” or “I like to arrive in style” or “this is how I roll – literally”. Making a joke may break the pressure for you and set the tone with your friends.
Pride can sometimes find ways to shield us from feeling weak. But pride can also put us at risk of resisting a change that improves our quality of life and puts ourselves more at risk.
Look at using a walker as an assistive tool to improve stability, prevent falls, and to help you remain mobile and independent. Using a walker does not diminish a person’s worth. In fact, knowing when to use a device and ensuring your own safety is a sign of true strength.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
