Q: I turn 90 this year, and I am not sure how to approach my future anymore. I feel lost at sea. I am happy with everything I have done, and now I do not know what I should be doing with the time I have left.
A: Celebrating a 90th birthday is a remarkable milestone. People aged 90 and over make up less than 5 percent of all adults aged 65 and older, making it a relatively uncommon stage of life, and one certainly worth celebrating.
Because reaching 90 years old is less common, however, there is guidance available on how to navigate this phase of life, including the reflection and contemplation that can come with it.
Erik Erikson, the famous psychologist who developed the theory of psychosocial development, identified 8 stages of human development. The final stage was for ages 65 and up.
There is a significant difference between the life stage of someone age 66 and someone age 90. In fact, Erikson’s wife, Joan Erikson, added a chapter to his final book, “The Life Cycle Completed,” when she was 93 years old, proposing a 9th stage to address the experience of very late life. This stage explores the concept of gerotranscendence.
Gerotranscendence was developed by a gerontologist named Lars Tornstam. It provides a positive framework for aging, shifting the focus from decline to acceptance, connection, and peace.
During this phase, a person may revisit their earlier stages and past conflicts from a new perspective. If they are successful, then they will gain a profound understanding of their life journey. This allows them to see their history like a puzzle, with all the pieces fitting together.
But what happens next? Even if someone has successfully integrated their life story and feels at peace with the past, this raises an important question: what does that mean for the future?
In many ways, it may explain why someone can feel “lost at sea”. There may no longer be obvious milestones or goals to work towards. I often hear people say that they can fill the time, but it doesn’t necessarily leave them feeling satisfied. Life can begin to feel like simply going through the motions.
Maybe instead of focusing goals on accomplishments, focus them on connection, contribution, or even curiosity.
Consider replacing the concept of forming goals with the idea of creating intentions. An intention might be to remain useful to others, appreciate the beauty around you, laugh every day, or mentor others.
When we spend our whole lives working towards one goal after another, it can feel strange to shift away from that mindset. Give yourself permission to approach this phase of life differently, and to focus on smaller, meaningful projects rather than larger life plans.
If you reframe your next chapter around creating joy, rather than achieving accomplishments, it might change how you experience satisfaction and purpose. Ask yourself: What still brings me joy? What people, places, or activities still make you feel happy and alive?
Everyone will have different answers to these questions. What matters is taking the time to explore them and identify what can help you create the best possible quality of life for the years ahead.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
