I recently met a woman who is living in her own “modern-day Golden Girls” house, as she calls it. Luann and her wife are both in their 60s, and since 2018, they have shared a home with both of their mothers, now in their 90s.
Four strong, independent woman, one house. Two generations of life experiences, personalities, preferences, and perspectives under one roof.
They found a home that could accommodate them together. What may have started as a practical decision gradually grew into new way of life.
It started when Luann’s mother broke both of her ankles. It made sense for her to move in while she recovered. Then they planned to bring her mother-in-law to join them. They discovered that living together provided more than just convenience. They could share expenses, help care for each other, and most importantly, no one had to feel alone.
Luann shares, “It is not all unicorns and rainbows as you might expect with four strong and independent women sharing space, but it really does work. The key is talking it out when things get challenging and accepting each other and where they are. We also find ways to connect and share time and space by going on road trips and to musicals and finding humor and laughter in the whole journey.”
Luann says they share belly laughs about everything from the size of pads and Depend underwear to burps that make them feel better. They say laughter is the best medicine, and in this living situation, it truly is.
Her story reminds me of the television show The Golden Girls. That show gave us a forward-thinking example of people creating a shared home later in life. The Golden Girls was a comedy, but it was also a groundbreaking show about aging, friendship and chosen family.
It tackled subjects that television often avoided at the time, including ageism, menopause, sexuality later in life, caregiving, dementia, grief, poverty, LGBTQ+ issues and end-of-life decisions. Its humor made difficult subjects approachable, while the women’s loyalty to one another showed that later life could still be full of independence, purpose, love and reinvention.
Today, we understand that social isolation in older adults is more dangerous than cigarette smoking for your health. We are increasingly recognizing that where and how we live can be just as important as the medical care we receive.
This is one reason community-oriented living can be a great option for people. Assisted living homes are one example where you can have your own apartment while enjoying shared meals, activities, and opportunities for social connection.
There are many ways to imagine our living situations as we age. And many people resist the idea of community living. They may find it overwhelming, or too big, or worry that it will make them feel older than they feel on the inside.
I think Luann and her family show one great option that works for them. There is no single right way to age. It may help to ask yourself, “What kind of life do I want to create as I grow older?”
Think beyond the traditional ideas about where to live and have these conversations early, before a crisis forces a decision.
Luann says. “There have been health challenges for each of us, but we have sincere love and appreciation for one another, and most important – the ability to laugh and find joy in the day-to-day. We are making it work, and none of us in the end would want it any other way.”
Thinking about our future is not just about where we live, but how we live. This includes who we live with, how we care for others or receive care, and how we find connection and joy in our day-to-day lives.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
